Zoomity zoom zoom brummbrummbrumm loppplopploplopploppplopp.
Larry Grimes of the mad mad crushers died at Road to Somerset.
Leroy Jenkins of Main Street died at The Pit.
Annie Stokes of Fyve Fynger Fiends died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.
`The Midnight` Raven Black of Fyve Fynger Fiends died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.
Numbers Dvorak of Anubis Cartel died at Gates of Texan.
Jerome `Tree` Feller of Rollovers died at Gates of Somerset.
`Oh` Henry Wiens of Pole Dancers died at Gates of Somerset.
`Lieutenant` Scott Worrell of Pole Dancers died at Gateway Interstate Figure 8.
`Pussycat Man` James Zang of Pole Dancers died at Broken Hill.
Howard Hensley of THERAPISTS died at Acid Land.
Romona Parker of THERAPISTS died at Acid Land.
Alona Tankersley of Pole Dancers died at Once Upon a Town.
Lauren `Turtle Top` Dorsey of Pole Dancers died at Once Upon a Town.
Karen `Rabbits Foot` Jensen of Pole Dancers died at Once Upon a Town.
`The Venerable` Luis McDaniel of Pole Dancers died at Once Upon a Town.
Justin Williams of Signs died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 1.
Lane Harper of oaskddja died at Gates of Somerset.
`The little kn` Joe Thomas of Zaphod Beeblebrox died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.
Maria Carey of Debian Rules died at Road to Somerset.
Willie Garcia of 2 Bullets and a Promise died at Gates of Somerset.
Jesse `Old Man` Holmstrom of Pole Dancers died at Gates of Somerset.
Josephine `Last Chance` Lachance of The Flying Circus died at Road to Elmsfield.
`Buckshot` Bill Kelliher of The Flying Circus died at Road to Elmsfield.
David `the Hammer` Schultz of The Flying Circus died at Road to Elmsfield.
Marshall `Lockdown` Lau of The Flying Circus died at Road to Elmsfield.
Tabatha `the Witch` Stephens of The Flying Circus died at Road to Elmsfield.
Michael Davis of Murphys Mercs died at Northern Farm Land.
Joann Thompson of Murphys Mercs died at Northern Farm Land.
`Randy` Randy Raposa of Hogs of Destiny died at Highway to Hell.
James Thacker of the mad mad crushers died at Road to Elmsfield.
Troy `Fixit` Haynes of Blood Roses died at Scattered Hills: Bridge Out.
Clarissa Wright of Interstate 82 died at Northern Farm Land.
Ruth Adkins of Interstate 82 died at Northern Farm Land.
Justin Click of Clan Hammer died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.
Michael Elam of Scarzams Sandmen died at Somerset Arena.
Ronnie Rush of Harrys Hippos died at Salt Flats Canyon.
`Comrade` David Manley of Harrys Hippos died at Salt Flats Canyon.
Edward Wimberly of Harrys Hippos died at Salt Flats Canyon.
Michael Snyder of DeathSquadB died at Once Upon a Town.
Charles Roane of DeathSquadB died at Once Upon a Town.
Richard Nichols of Avenged Sevenfold died at Salt Flats Canyon.
`Speedee` Kyle Gonzales of Exalted died at Smokey Hills.
Roger `Dakka Dakka` Berry of Monarchs died at Northern Farm Land.
Crystal Fletcher of Interstate 82 died at Highway to Hell.
Sandra Morgan of DWGs Most Hated died at Highway to Hell.
Vincent Carr of Rex Rillions Ringers RRR died at Highway to Hell.
Samuel Betts of The Black Legion died at Blown With the Wind.
Courtney ``Kali`` Yamashita of Murphys Mercs died at Road to Somerset.
Terry Wildman of oaskddja died at Northern Farm Land.
Alexa Bliss of oaskddja died at Northern Farm Land.
Keith Taylor of oaskddja died at Northern Farm Land.
Bonnie Link of rebelfish resurgent II died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.
Edna Sipple of Debian Rules died at Gates of Somerset.
Roy McDougal of Raven Lunatics died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.
James Bell of Raven Lunatics died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.
Eric Hopkins of oaskddja died at Once Upon a Town.
Jack `The Irish` Farmer of Bamboo Cutters died at Northern Farm Land.
`Sukki` Ma Dick of Bamboo Cutters died at Northern Farm Land.
Dennis `Firing Pin` Fuller of Scouse Syndicate died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 2.
Charles Smith of Rex Rillions Ringers RRR died at Pathway to Darkness.
Brett `Filter` Riley of Harrys Hippos died at Devils Fingers.
`Chairwoman` Rosa Lux of Harrys Hippos died at Devils Fingers.
David `Comrade` Sims of Harrys Hippos died at Devils Fingers.
Alexander Abel of Harrys Hippos died at Devils Fingers.
Lala La of Harrys Hippos died at Devils Fingers.
Joseph Freeman of oaskddja died at Forever Yellow Skies.
Dell Cole of Hogs of Destiny died at Somerset Super Speedway.
`Diamond` Dan Barstow of Hogs of Destiny died at Once Upon a Town.
`The Fearless` Samuel Swatzell of Pole Dancers died at Gates of Somerset.
`The Sick` Brian Rick of Fyve Fynger Fiends died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.
Leroy Jenkins of Romans Legion died at Northern Farm Land.
Julius `Ceasar`s` Johnson of Rollovers died at Northern Farm Land.
Elizabeth McCaslin of Jack In A Car died at Blown With the Wind.
John `WD40` Lockett of Jack In A Car died at Road to Somerset.
Randall `Ripper` Hopkins of Jack In A Car died at Road to Somerset.
Matthew `Cherry` Garcia of Zaphod Beeblebrox died at Gateway Interstate Circuit.
Thomas Billiot of Turner, Harvest and Ramirez died at Once Upon a Town.
`Antsy` Nancy Engebretson of DWGs Most Hated died at The Dunes Race Course.
Richard Jacobs of Rex Rillions Ringers RRR died at Highway to Hell.
Adrian Sexton of Rex Rillions Ringers RRR died at Highway to Hell.
Stefanie Archer of Rex Rillions Ringers RRR died at Highway to Hell.
Russell Spain of rebelfish resurgent II died at Road to Somerset.
Krysten `JJ` Ritter of The Purple Foxes died at The Pit.
Melissa McCubbin of El Nubnubs died at Gates of Firelight.
Margaret Errico of El Nubnubs died at The Pit.
Jessica `Macho` Camacho of The Purple Foxes died at The Pit.
Emily `Sparks` Rickards of The Purple Foxes died at The Pit.
Marissa `MNM` Miller of The Purple Foxes died at The Pit.
Grisel Ulm of Unicorn Orgy died at Road to Somerset.
Lance Utterback of Unicorn Orgy died at Road to Somerset.
Gino Ladd of Unicorn Orgy died at Road to Somerset.
Lorena MacKinnon of Debian Rules died at Road to Elmsfield.
Charles `Manson` Jackson of Exalted died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.
John `Jacob Jingle-` Wharton of Zaphod Beeblebrox died at Road to Somerset.
Linda `Listen` Lau of Zaphod Beeblebrox died at Road to Somerset.
Carl `Chaos` Eager of The Flying Circus died at Lost Trail: Broken Ground.
Darrell `Timmy` Turner of oaskddja died at Northern Farm Land.
Raul Horn of oaskddja died at Northern Farm Land.
Donald Thomas of The Trouser Attacks died at Lonesome Highway.
Scott Sweet of Romans Legion died at Road to Somerset.
Ronald Ricketts of Harrys Hippos died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.
Scott Player of Rex Rillions Ringers RRR died at Northern Farm Land.
Dong Swing of Turner, Harvest and Ramirez died at Gates of Somerset.
Eric Rosario of pollo fuego died at Ring of Death Arena.
Jared Howard of pollo fuego died at Ring of Death Arena.
Kristina Byrns of THERAPISTS died at Gates of Somerset.
Scott Diggs of Fort Retard died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 3.
Stephen Williams of Melted Rubber died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Arena.
Shirley Dowd of The Trouser Attacks died at Northern Farm Land.
George Graham of Raven Lunatics died at Gates of Firelight.
Justin Ogles of Raven Lunatics died at Gates of Firelight.
George Wood of Raven Lunatics died at Gates of Firelight.
Lourdes Nickel of The Black Legion died at Acid Land.
Guadalupe Parker of Boars of Boozin died at Road to Somerset.
Michiko Chiang of Debian Rules died at Road to Somerset.
James Wong of NewbsClan died at The Pit.
Veronica Penn of NewbsClan died at The Pit.
Nikki `Knickers` Reed of The Purple Foxes died at Gates of Firelight.
Jennifer `Jensen` Winters of Yeeteam died at Somerset Rally Circuit.
Javier Holloway of Melted Rubber died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Arena.
Virginia `Deadeye` Gardner of The Vanguards died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.
Michal `Micky` Clem of The Vanguards died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.
Danielle `DT` Thibodeaux of Womens Auxiliary Balloon Corps died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.
Carl Hunter of The Trouser Attacks died at Smokey Hills.
(Editor's Note: We at the Gazette sent out our interns in an attempt to gather information about what chassis the gangs of Evan prefer to run. This is what happened)
The interns were told to approach the gangs and ask them the following question: 'If you could only have a Phoenix or a Sunrise, which would you run and why?'
Avenged Sevenfold: Hee He, one of the better drivers of Avenged Sevenfold, shouts out without hesitation "PHOENIX! I don't know about anybody else, but we in Avenged Sevenfold don't appreciate vehicles that bounce like a coked up jack rabbit."
A random ganger from The Vanguards : Phoenix. I have loads of them and they are my favourite muscle. Easy to drive, easy to steer onto an opponent's weak side and if they get banged up, well, easy to replace.
A random ganger from Machinegun Morons: Phoenix. Cheap as chips, Don't bounce at the sneeze of a mouse.
Waskal Wabbitz: Yan "Rushy" Rush of the Waskal Wabbits is stretching her lags after almost destroying her favorite Cougar in a rally, when she happens upon a lively, yet one-sided debate among fellow drivers on the street. "Is there even a question in the matter? I drove a Sunrise once as a gag just to see how bad the suspension really is and almost lost my lunch along with the race. The thing handles like a lopsided/ over-inflated beach ball, whereas the Pho sticks to the sand like glue. I'd still be ripping my old girl around if it hadn't gone Legendary and leader bean Boyd dint insist on having it stuffed and mounted."
Cestus Dei: Darcy "Love" Doll chimes in with "The bounciness of the sunny is a hoot if you're in the back seat....but other than that, helll naw...if you gotta go fight, get you a Pho if you wanna live" The rest of the nuns giggle.
Pole Dancers: Leon weighs in on the conversation."Only reason we'd keep a Sunrise around is if it has one of them Special Circumstances skins, like Patient Zero. He gestures at the aircraft painted car, with a 3LR, GG and a CR. She's a fine chaser in big group scouts. But I'm with the rest of Evan on this: A Sunrise is usually a Scorpion in the wild, and they deserve to die. Phos loot better, sell better, perform better. Any other dumb questions Old Man?"
Rollovers: "Hey Gramps, what is this... Soonrice them uwwers make noises about" Asks Luella, the Rollover krews new promising leader (mostly because none of the old farts can sit on the throne comfortable enough anymore). "Hrrrmmpohh gaga bleh frrhuuuttt *handshake* grumple" Answer the Rollover krews aging veterans old enough to ever have seen a Sunrise.
Blood Roses: "BOSS!" yells Double B. "**** is a Phoenix or Sunrise again?"
"Huh?" questions The Trickster; half asleep on the Blood Roses table at Dexters - the other half drunk on Somerset Special, a vicious mixer combining the local pumpkin liqour, sugar and boiled worm blood.
"...oh, those things. Peasant cars for peasant people in peasant gangs", she replies concluding with a yawn and pushing her hat down with a smirk starting to form.
Howls of laughter erupt from the table, slapping of knees and fists pounding the table.
"Don't forget the change!" shouts one of the only two young upstarts from the table. Suddenly an empty bottle flies across the bar, narrowly missing the Cestus Dei table and smashes into the wall, inches away from Gazette reporter.
Double B collaspes into a laughing fit on her chair and crashes onto the floor, tears flowing from her eyes and clutching her chest.
Rizon Oni: The Sixth and Grease think for a moment about it. Relatively speaking, both are veterans of the gang, The Sixth having been in the gang for a little longer than Grease. Grease answers first.
"Phoenix is what you want in most places. Easy to work on, parts everywhere. It punches above its weight, if you care to put something better than a 242 in it. Shame it won't cram a 300 or a 302 in. Unexposed of course; we don't like our junk flapping in the breeze."
The Sixth follows this up. "The Phoenix is the workhorse of Evan. Us Oni have used it for racing, have depended on it for our next meal, our next haul. From what I remember, a Phoenix is one of the first chassis we ever ordered built. They're even pretty good looking if you want them to be."
She points a blackened finger up. "However, we've used a Sunrise in the arena with moderate success, and I reckon with a rotary they'd be pretty mean. For the looks you'll get, you might as well have rolled in with a clown car, but it ain't stupid if it works."
Grease punctuates her words. "Ain't worth a ten toots of a tin trumpet on the racetrack though. Unless you enjoy losing."
Chaos Engineering: (Another day...)
"... so, Phoenix or Sunrise?"
The aging mutant looks down, thoughtfully, as if gathering his remaining strength to talk to roadkill, or a toad.
"You came over a hundred miles to our camp, right?"
"And you came right past all the camp defense, the cars with the guns, right?"
"And you walked right past the mechanic shops, right?"
"Of course, but.."
"Didya see everything that had four wheels and gave off greenhouse gases was a Phoenix?"
"Did you see even a car part from a Sunrise?"
"Don't let the shop door hit you on the ass."
So there you have it, citizens of Evan. The Phoenix is the clear winner in the first part of our Chassis Wars series. Stay tuned for the next installment : Estate v. Carrier Van.
(Editor's Note: Once again, the interns were released into the wild to gather information on the various gang's opinions on chassis, this time two of the more maligned specimens, the Estate wagon or the Carrier Van. This is what happened. On a serious note, the interns have been sent for retraining in sensitivity and boundaries. The Gazette apologizes for the ones who were overzealous in thier pursuit of truth.)
Pole Dancers: *knock knock* *knock knock* Hey, Old Man, open up. The Old Man opens up the door a pinch, revealing a room full of inkwells and stacks of dated newspapers. "What?" Jill frowned. "Your stupid intern has been asking all kinds of stupid questions! Pho vs Sunny? Estate vs Carriervan? We all the know the answers to these questions. The Old Man disappears, only to reappear a moment later with a pen and pad. "And your opinion?", He cackles, grabbing his quill and dipping it in a nearby well. "My opinion," Jill shouts at the Old Man from about half an inch,"Is that your intern needs to get his **** chewed off! Also, Carrier Vans."
Renshai: A shadow passes in front of the window. Carl looks up from his ledger, swearing to himself that he has seen it a few times already. Curiosity gets the better of him and he heads to the window to see what is going on. His face screws up in confusion as he calls into the walkie.
"Why is there a random kid wandering around the boneyard out back?" he bellows.
"Uh, that's an intern from the Gazette. Keeps coming over wondering what we prefer - this or that. Was Estates and Carriers this time." Melvin's reply crackles back. "I told him to look out in the boneyard to find you and ask."
Carl grins a little. "How long do you plan on letting him roam around before you tell him I am not there?"
"Well, sir, the last one looked all day." Melvin laughs, "Figured this one might look longer. We will let you know when they ask something worth answering."
Waskal Wabbitz: Yan Rush walks away from the reporter shaking her head and giggling. "Who would drive either of those deathtraps?"
David blushes and rubs the red hand print off his face. "I don't do much driving but I DO enjoy shooting both of em, the vans make a bigger BOOM tho heh heh."
Avenged Sevenfold: Wincing from the screaming, Elizabeth Neidig comes up behind Jill, huffing and puffing from dragging her prey- a bruised and bloody intern of the Old Man. Liz stares at Jill until the shouting is over and she finally turns around to see Liz. With a cross look on her face, Liz exclaims "This little creep came straight into the women's bathroom at Dexter's and slid his head under the stall door asking me if I prefer Estates or Vans?!" Recalling the situation infuriates her all over again and she releases the collar of the young man and kicks him in the jaw.
The Old Man comes rushing back to the door after Jill's shouting - *crash, thump, clash* - and he shoots his head out of the doggy door with a ####-eating grin.... "Well, boy, did you get an answer before she got to you?!"
Liz grits her teeth, lifts the intern into the air by his collar and belt and hurls him at the Old Man. Upon impact, as he loses all air in his lungs, he quietly exhales "carrier va-" and passes out.
Rizon Oni: The Sixth smiles. "Estate. There's an old joke... or maybe legend, who knows. We've been trying to drop a rotary in an Estate for years now and go embarrass muscle cars in the rallies. We've either had one or the other or neither."
Grease, again, punctuates her words. "We prefer Pickups for whatever a Carrier Van or Estate would do for anyone else, but we'd take an Estate given the choice. Carrier Vans drive around like a box on ice- fun, maybe, but a box on ice won't protect your cargo."
Cestus Dei: Maurice shouts from behind the door "I done seen his dumb ass coming up the front, all bloody and stuff from asking stupid questions...you just tell him that the only damned good thing about a carrier van is ya can put a wizard paintjob on it so you can look cool when you die. don't bother me with this nonsense..."
A random ganger from PA Racers: I guess you haven't seen my racing estate in action yet?
Blood Roses: (Edited for space) The stranger blinks slowly and pauses for what seems like a lifetime to utter one brief sentence. "Carrier Van...or Estate". A violent coughing fit follows with a buckshot of blood making it's way close the concrete floor.
"Oh you're the creep at Dexters I heard about."
(The full story is available elsewhere but due to space limitations we had to edit. Apologies)
Twitch pauses and makes eye contact with the stranger, the pen still not made contact with the paper.
"ESTATES!" Twitch shouts, flies her hands in the air and turns to lower the garage door.
Chaos Engineering: (Editor's note: We here at the Gazette can neither confirm nor deny the existence of telepaths among the mutants of Chaos Engineering. We just report what we witness.)
(Port Royal, at the bar)
"Boy, you don't give up, do you?"
"I just c..."
"I got ears and eyes, I know why you're here."
"So, Estate or Cargo Van."
"Have you heard the difference between trade secrets and a hole in the floor?"
Just then, glitteringly clear thought came through to everyone in the bar. It intoned, "You should tell him about the time one of the Angels outran a v8 Buccaneer with our beat-to-$#!% cargo Estate."
"Can you read minds?"
"Yes!" the thought rang out. Some people closest to the thought's owner winced.
"Can you read my mind?"
"You want me to shut up about eight-thousand dollar cars being able to outrun two-hundred thousand dollar cars?"
The older mutant turned toward the furiously scribbling reporter.
"Can you read my mind, now?"
"But if we wipe his mind we won't be famous, in the Gazette! Besides, that car outran lots of stuff in the Northern Triangle, even with a full stash!"
A full minute passed with the white-bearded mutant considering his leathery-skin-toned colored drink. His eyes squinted down before he quasi-nodded to himself, "Shouldn't you be in Elmsfield?"
Rollovers: "Bangalangawangdangdingdong Vans are the cream of the week!" Dong Waddle crackles through the Dexters' radio, high on his latest FL downhill record. "Hur hur long as he keeps sending that racing money he can keep his partybus down there, aint nobody drivin him home" the Rollovers krew chuckle around their table covered in empty bottles of Dexters finest Rotgut.
The final tally, good citizens once we seperate the violent and the incomprehensible out, is three votes for the Carrier Van and four votes for the Estate. The little wagon that could takes this round. Keep an eye out for our final installment in the Chassis Wars series: Apache v Landrunner.
"Apache or Landrunner. If you could only fight with one of them, which do you run and why?"
Here were the responses
Waskal Wabbitz: "Killer" Kendrick of the Wabbits begins to reminisce of the old days when he started running larger chassis against the scarier bad guys in Evan. "At first we were really hard pressed to find affordable Apache chassis around and needing something with some thicker armor than the good old Mercs and Phos, we bought a couple Landys to fend off the pirates. They had a thicker skin than the Apes but the instability in the suspension and smaller space for an engine made them harder to escape from danger and a lot more likely to flip from some heavy recoil. Once you start the death bounce from a couple recoil weaps hitting you while you fire back in the fray, you really lack that much needed control to keep from being gutted. Too many tense moments and close calls prompted us to sell those guys off to gangs that enjoyed using them and buy some Apaches. Even tho the armor is a bit thinner on the Ape the way you can move em with even just a 4L and keep your armor facings where you want em while taking fire is invaluable. They can turtle as well but the wider wheelbase and more relaxed suspension makes it less of an immediate threat and corrections are far easier to make in battle. I suppose we could have given Landrunners more of a chance, perhaps tweaked the suspension for some recoil trials, but by then we a couple decent trainer squads with Apaches and never looked back."
DWGs Most Hated: Rene would Chuckle "I've been told stories of a bad fight my gang once had, and since it had a landy, I feel like telling you." he pauses for a moment "to clear the basics, it was a 4v20+ in SS and there were 3 lorries at stake. they thought, "Do we flank around, demo the lorries, and eventually get them to want to flee? or do we truce?" the crazy leader we had at the time decided for himself, "fend off the brute of it somehow and then get the lorries!" we knew he was a lunatic and was mashed on zerk, but we also knew that if we didnt follow what he said and lived we would get shot on sight by him anyway." Rene would pause again, indicating he finished. "long story short, we lost everything, but to answer your question, our gang prefer the landy, as its cheaper, has thicker armor and can keep up with 4L apes despite only being able to hold a 3.2L in the bay. aswell as have dual HMG's, turn around faster, and accelerate identically, so aslong as you know how to keep the death roll from getting out of hand, its better in plenty of ways.
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Clink, clink, smash goes the variety of cans and empty - or undrinkable - bottles of Dexters rotgut.
The cause of the cacophony is a lever action rifle, an uncommon design to be used in Somerset, wielded by "The Lamb". Earning his nickname from a daring decoy suicide run to hold the Blood Roses and Holistic Detective Agency crews in Badlands from a brutal ambush. Those times are long in the past, he's moved up north to retrain as a lieutenant of the Somerset chapter. However to The Lamb the servo assisted joystick controls of a machine gun doesn't compare to the organic feel of an ex-Warthog .22 calibre.
As the last bottle fractures and fragments fall to the burnt orange sand covering a makeshift firing range at the back of the Blood Roses garage, The Lamb drops the rifle to his side and admires his marksmanship, then turns his head as a fellow ganger jogs behind him.
Double B stops a few feet behind him and kicks a small sand cloud from sliding to a stop.
"Your turn" she greets, pointing through the garage.
"My turn?" The Lamb is dumbfounded, being back in Somerset only a few weeks and wondering what awaits him.
"Urgh you was out the last time. Remember the other week at Dexters when the peasant came and asked about peasant cars?"
"And then Ruth nearly got shanked after she nearly hit one of the nuns with MY bottle of hooch? That time at Dexters?" The Lamb is still unsure where this is leading and wishing he could continue with the firing range instead of being reminded of lost alcohol.
"Haha yeah...that was incredible" she replies, smiling in reminisce. "I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. It was good she emptied the bottle first or she'd have covered them and their table. THEN we'd have a problem."
"You don't want to know what the nuns are capable of. This is besides the point anyway! It's your turn!" She grows redder in the face with every passing syllable.
"What is my turn?!"
"Look! The past month a bunch of kids are runnning around and asking dumb questions on "chassis wars". Twitch can't stop shaking after the last one came and wasted her time on Carrier Vans and Estates. We didn't even get Jagged Sky ready in time. So since everyone else is out with the Monarchs YOU are going to deal with this one."
The Lamb sighs and resigns to his fate, holstering his rifle and without making eye contact, follows her pointing finger through to the garage.
Awaiting him is a twenty-something intern of the infamous "Old Man", standing right by the open garage doors. Sporting a leg brace, eye patch and a pad and pen in his hands he smiles as his latest victim of questionable journalism approaches.
"Apaches or Landrunners. This is for the Gazette so make your answer good!" Spoken in a hurried tone by the reporter, his writing hand unconciously creating small doodles on the pad.
The Lamb sinks his head, supported with one hand; the other hand still holding his rifle.
"Are you aware of whom you're asking this question to?" he replies in a slightly annoyed timbre.
The reporters face starts to go pale and his pupils dilate, memories of the fate of his fellow interns flooding what's left of his mind.
"This the Blood ####ing Roses. We do not use EITHER of those chassis and we NEVER will."
The Lamb returns his head from his hand, grasps the rifle in a hipfire position and slowly walks towards the frozen intern, completely deer in headlights.
"However since you and your kind have decided to waste our time again I will tell you I see many more Apaches than Landrunners."
The rifle suddenly points to the floor - an inch from the interns feet - and opens up; a deafening crack echos back through the garage.
A scream erupts from the intern and dashes with haste from the compound, leaving his pen and paper on the ground right next to the bullet scar in the sand.
Completely deadpan in expression he leans his rifle on his shoulder, turns to walk back inside and is presented with a slow clapping Double B, sitting cross legged on the bonnet of the only Buzzer in the lockup.
"Next time send Ruth", not pausing or even giving her a glance as he strolls back to the firing range.
Kings of Metal: King Tiger of the Kings of Metal gang is sitting at a quiet table in Dexter's enjoying a cactus beer with pepper. Overhearing some riffraff talking about some apaches vs. landrunners brings back a bad memeory, a rough day in a Somerset Arena Combat.
King slams his drink down and signals Dexter for three more with his left hand. His right arm doesn't move so well. A titanium plate covers what's left of his shoulder blade and collar bone and it still causes daily pain 25 years later.
King remembers that battle well. It was a Desert Tank combat, so there were Anti-Tank gun rounds flying in all directions. King grimaces at the memory. At one point his landrunner was on fire and rolling side over side whilst still taking fire.
King slams a drink and shakes his head. "I still can't believe I survived that!"
King jumped out of the burning landrunner. He remembers pulling up his rifle, because fighting on is what the Kings of Metal do.
The last thing King remembers from the battle was seeing the muzzle blast, and then the impact of an anti-tank gun round to his right shoulder.
King Tiger woke up in the Somerset Hospital about a week later. It was a long, painful recovery.
"Landrunners are solid, but put me in an Apache any damned day!"
Avenged Sevenfold: The powerful, guzzoline hungry rumbles of v8s echoes off the warehouse of Avenged Sevenfold as Siren's Song, 1/4 Mile Killer and the Viper wing all return from glorious muscle car dogfights.
"Learn how to drive, maybe?" Hee He shouts out the window of her Squadcar at the new drivers in the other three vehicles, with a smile and a wink. "At least I can keep my car on its wheels, bully!" Matthew Blackmore fires back from his legendary Flail with a laugh. Shaking her head and chuckling to herself, Hee He's entertainment is cut short when she spots a young woman sitting on the hood of a Sunrise parked outside their warehouse. As He gets closer, she notices the license plate reads "GAZETTE" and she cracks a grin. As the fleet of muscles approach their warehouse the bay doors slide open and Hee, without hesitation, opens the door and steps out of the still rolling vehicle. "You know where to park it," she tells Clara, her gunner, who quickly leaps into the driver seat to ensure the car doesn't hit anything. After the vehicles slip into the warehouse, the bay doors slide shut.
The young woman on the Sunrise, filing her nails, doesn't bother to look up as Hee He approaches. With an unenthusiastic inhale and exhale, she begins on, "Good afternoon, my na-" before she's interrupted by the racking of a rifle. *Scch, chhk* "Let me just stop you right there," Evelyn Myers quietly says, with the rifle tucked against her furry body, her teeth exposed as she lightly snarls.
Hee He is startled by Evelyn's unnatural speed, "You damn werewolves.. Put that down, we don't even know what she wants." Evelyn lowers the rifle, "Never seen this one in this area before, bet she's one of the cronies of that Old Man asking all the silly questions."
Chuckling to herself again, Hee He whispers to Evelyn before shooing her back into the warehouse. "Skip the pleasantries, what do you want?" she demands. The young woman, still spooked by Evelyn's kind greeting, rattles out "I'm here to ask if yo-" she's interrupted once more by the aggressive revving of a couple v8s from within the warehouse. "Ask you if you prefer the Apache or the Landrunner!" she quickly shouts out over the engines.
With an evil smirk, He lets out a sharp whistle- immediately after the bay doors speedily roll open and two Apaches come screeching out of the warehouse, each with a member of Avenged Sevenfold hanging off the side. When the young woman turns to look at the warehouse, Hee gives her a 'light' shove between the two Apaches. She's picked up by one of the gangers hanging off the two trucks, the other one ties her up by her feet and drops her in the sand before slapping the roof the Apache, letting the driver know to floor it. As the two trucks race off into Somerset dragging the helpless, screaming intern behind them, Hee He questions if that was a bit harsh.. before shaking her head and hopping on the Gazette Sunrise.
About fifteen minutes later when the Apaches pull back up and cut the intern loose, letting her flop out in front of her Sunny with Hee He perched on the hood. "I hope you enjoyed your time with Zealot Class and Black Fang, and I hope that shed some light on the Old Man's question," He says with a bright smile before sliding off the hood the Sunrise and skipping back into the warehouse behind the two Apaches.
With that thought, King slams his last two drinks and heads for the door.
(Editor's note: The following is a new series of interviews with the gangs and personalities of Evan.)
An Interview With...The Pole Dancers (Sir Nexus)
An Interview With...Waskal Wabbits(Zazul)
An Interview with...Turner, Harvest, and Ramirez (Wuulf)