2058
| | Jan/Feb 2058 |
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`Ladies, gentlemen, and all those in-between` He started, Trendys ears pricked up, this could be good. `On this day 22 years ago, the first ever official race set up by the Evan Autoduel Association took place. To commemorate this event, I have taken the liberty of setting up an identical event which is to take place later on today.` There were whispers among many of the tables before a one of the half-drunk patrons yelled `What we racin` in then?` The whispers grew louder, speculative cries of `Sunrise!` `Phoenix!` and `Moray?` where thrown around. The man waited for the din to die down before saying but one word. `Symphonies.` There was an awkward silence, murmurs of `Did he just say symphonies?` before a drunkard at the back of the room gave out a hearty cheer. This cheer was gradually echoed throughout the tavern as people realised that racing in the old automobiles might be fun after all. The man on the table spoke up again. `There are 20 spots available, first come first served. I`ll see you on the track` ********************************************************************** It was race time, Trendy had found a good spot where he could overlook the whole of Somerset`s dirt racing track. There was a full grid; all 20 spots had been filled. Not all of them had decided to qualify but the front three on the grid were filled `Fingers` Michael Jackson of the gang Rancid, The Clarinbridge Crusher whose name was now known to be Donald `Don` Johnson & `Roaming` Randall Rodgers of The Stainless Steel Rats. Although, as a professional, Trendy knew he should remain impartial he couldn`t help but feel a little biased towards his gang-mate `Brolly` Olly Gildersleeve who had managed to qualify for 4th place. As the start of the race drew near, the drivers started checking their vehicles for any sign of sabotage, then they entered the vehicles and waited anxiously for the starting klaxon.  Image courtesy of Darkwind The klaxon sounded and they were off. Trendy noticed that Olly`s car had a slightly bigger kick to it as they started which may have been due to some of his friends from the deathrace mafia `inspecting` the engine before the race. With half a lap gone Olly had pulled into third with Donald and Michael in 1st and 2nd respectively. Toward the bottom end of the rankings, the drivers of Joel`s Bastards, Hitmen Trucking and Eldritch Assassins were playing leapfrog, swapping positions 14th, 15th, and 16th amongst themselves. They were being pursued by Homer Simpson of Mirrored Pain, although he seemed to be more interested in eating whatever he could find in his glove box than racing. Back to the front runners and onto the back straight of the track. Donald was still leading, but the real battle was that for second place. Robert Serna of Alpha Junkers and Michael Jackson were duking it out neck and neck. After a poor jump, Olly had fallen into sixth, overtaken by Frank `Patrik` Herbet and `Sir` Richard Bowman who had surged forward from behind. Coming into the final turn before the finish line and the crowd were still awaiting their first crash. There had been an unusual sense of organisation amongst the competitors and the spectators hated it, they had come to see blood. Just as the crowd had begun to boo, a momentary lapse of concentration caused Donald of Clarinbridge Crushers to hit a track barrier at speed; his vehicle spun and there was a moment of pure panic as Olly and Robert, who were following the same line as Donald, looked to be headed right into the side of the spinning vehicle. Fortune was on their side, however, as Donald reclaimed control of his vehicle and drifted out to the right, narrowly avoiding certain death from the two oncoming drivers.  Image courtesy of Darkwind Lap two and there were still no resignations but for one non-starter, whose vehicle had been left in the middle of the track to provide an obstruction to the finishing line. Olly had pulled into the lead, however, the other competitors had not broken a sweat as it had become well known that racers of HCE `could not finish.` In second place was Michael, in third, `Sir` Richard and in fourth, Frank. After his spin out, Donald had done well to catch up to 5th place Robert Serna but was being closely followed by `Big` William Mead of Exalted and `Svelte` Henry Ortiz of Dust Trolls. Halfway through the second lap and it was very much a four man fight. Frank had overtaken Olly at the jump, and despite rumours of foul play, Donald had found his way back into the top three, closely followed by Michael Jackson who had dropped into a disappointing fourth. While the fight for the prizes was very much out of reach, those at the middle and rear end of the rankings suffered no lack of thirst for the competition. Congestion as the main bulk of racers hit the jump meant that there was a lot of bump n` grind between the competitors and the drivers must have had a hard time controlling their vehicles. One must have found it all too much to bear as `Big` William span out after a bad landing. Robert, seeing his chances of winning the race become ever smaller, took to allowing everyone to pass before setting his own vehicle as an obstruction and locking himself inside the car. The front four reached the end of the second lap fairly un-eventfully. There was a slight scare when Olly went up onto two wheels but he planted down safely seconds later. By the time they had crossed the line, Frank had gained a considerable lead. However, things were not so mundane in the middle of the pack. As `Sir` Richard rounded the last corner, he lost traction, the vehicle span out and a speeding `Roaming` Randall Rodgers clattered into him at over 60mph. Luckily, nothing but paintwork and pride was scratched as both competitors soon righted themselves and continued the race. Seconds later, the crowd erupted. They had finally seen what they had come here to see. A fire! Joel Autobahn had come racing round the corner. He must have lost focus for a split second while he was distracted by the crash between Richard and Randall because he smashed, full speed, straight into the non-starter, `Heads up` Mike Zimmermans car.  Image courtesy of Darkwind Joel`s vehicle burst into flames as the crunch of metal grinding against metal echoed around the track. The force of the crash was so much that Joel`s car had been flung backwards after the impact; only to roll forwards again as the dying engine gave one last push. Somehow, Joel Autobahn was still alive, although unconscious.  Image courtesy of Darkwind Amidst the excitement, it appeared that `Sir` Richard had resigned his vehicle as it rolled slowly forward and came to a stop beside Joels burning wreckage. There was now three cars lined up just before the finish line; the drivers wits would be tested as they reached the end of their next lap. As the racers at the rear were crossing the line to end their second lap, the front runners were halfway through their third. Seemingly, the real race was between Donald and Olly for second place, as Frank had pulled too far ahead to be caught and Michael had fallen too far behind to be caught by. However, there was a glimmer of hope for first place. It was suddenly remembered that the driver representing Alpha Junkers had positioned his vehicle just after the jump. This should have meant that Frank would pile into him at high speed, hopefully killing both drivers and creating a bigger, even more unavoidable pile up for the rest of the racers. However, this was not the case. Frank swerved his car at the last second, managing to only tap the obstructing vehicle before grinding away with nothing more than some light engine damage and some scratched paint. The rest of the third lap went by fairly uneventfully, there were a few bumps and grazes as people passed the Alpha Junkers` car, but nothing to write home about. Uneventfully, that is, until Olly and Michael got to the final turn. As Joel`s vehicle came into sight, both drivers were filled with dread. The flames were still roaring from the lap before, the vehicle could blow any second, and it looked like it would blow just as Olly passed. He put the pedal to the floor and prayed to whatever God might be listening. There was no explosion, and like a bat out of hell he was out of there. Once clear, Olly crossed his fingers and hoped that the car would blow just as his main competitor, Michael Jackson, was passing; but alas, the fire still roared, even as they passed the finish line. The explosion happened just as the main bulk of racers had passed. A fairly lack-lustre event when compared to the tension it caused. There was some armour lost from a couple of the vehicles closest to the blast due to shrapnel, but that was the extent of the damage.  Image courtesy of Darkwind After a fairly un-eventful start, and middle, of the fourth and final lap, things started hotting up when Donald and Frank approached the finish line and inevitable glory. Frank looked to have 1st place in the bag, but Donald was sneaking up behind. There was but one obstacle between Frank and a prize fund of almost 400k. The roadblock. It was spread across more of the track since the explosion, with two cars blocking the middle path, one car blocking the left path. The quickest way through was straight through the middle, but the gap was tiny, there was no room for error like going through the eye of a needle. Frank approached the opening. The crowd gasped with apprehension, they were looking forward to another fireball; but he made it through! Frank had made it through the smouldering cars and crossed the line to claim first place! Donald rolled up in second, not bothering to hide the disappointment on his face.  Image courtesy of Darkwind Now it was a battle for 3rd, and the final prize spot. Olly lost a lot of speed when he hit the obstruction car, and although he still held the final podium spot, the main bulk of racers, led by Michael Jackson, had caught up to him. Olly had managed to stay in front coming up to the final turn, but Michael was now right on his tail. Michael had taken a better line than Olly - who was trying desperately to maintain control of his vehicle - and for a moment it looked like he would Michael would run away with it at the death, but he had over steered, he was going sideways and hoping to drift around the corner but suddenly his tyres found grip on the grit and he found himself neck and neck with Olly as he rode up the rocky hill to the left of the roadblock. Olly edged a hair in front of Michael as he passed through the eye of the needle with 70 metres to go, but then Michael hit a patch of smooth ground and pulled it back. It was going to be a photo finish! With 20 metres to the finish line there was nothing to choose between the two, but in the dying seconds of his race, Olly nailed a perfect gear change and crossed the line inches in front of Michael! Third place was his!  Image courtesy of Darkwind The rest of the competitors finished barely seconds after the front runners. They had been great sports and although they came away with nothing in terms of prize money, they had taken place in one of the most memorable races of all time, and for that they can hold their heads high. Reporter - *Rezeak*  Jonathan Jones of Justice Delivered died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Annita Dick of Hogs of Destiny died at Northern Farm Land. Homer Gibbs of NoT-HiP died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Gilbert `Gibbet-Maker` Smith of Precipitous Treachery died at Gates of Somerset. John Mitchell of Poole Pirates died at The Pit. David Roark of The Good Guys died at Double Down Arena. Willie Guerrero of Poole Pirates died at Acid Land. John Tuck of The Good Guys died at Under a Bloody Red Sky. John Silveira of NoT-HiP died at Bombed Luna Road. Aida `Princess` Hoffman of Poole Pirates died at Serpentine Road. Inez Reyes of Poole Pirates died at Serpentine Road. Adam Carr of Nightelves died at Gates of Elmsfield. Ronald `Invader` Wilson of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Once Upon a Town. Danielle `Lockdown` James of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Once Upon a Town. Antonia Franklin of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Once Upon a Town. Robert Estes of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Once Upon a Town. David Genao of MADHAT died at Road to Somerset. `Dr` Jeremy Pryor of Monarchs died at Highway to Hell. Dennis Cook of Monarchs died at Highway to Hell. Daisy Dukes of Monarchs died at Highway to Hell. Aaron Adams of The Good Guys died at Highway to Hell. Scott Owens of The Good Guys died at Highway to Hell. Allison Hilliard of The Good Guys died at Highway to Hell. Carla Burdick of The Good Guys died at Highway to Hell. Tyler Durden of The Vermin died at Road to Somerset. Leann Cherry of The Hasbros died at Forever Yellow Skies. `sexy` Ula La of The Pikers died at Gates of Somerset. `doc` Mark Pauling of The Pikers died at Gates of Somerset. Charles Lemons of The Crayons died at Road to Somerset. `Icy` Linda Smith of Flaming Engines died at Road to Somerset. Malcolm Valdez of Burdens Heavyweights died at Blown With the Wind. Dan `Pellets` Smith of San Jose Baggers died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop. Jan `Girly Man` Truax of San Jose Baggers died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop. Allene Arthur of Revelations died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Stacy Compton of Flaming Engines died at Gates of Somerset. Betty Green of Flaming Engines died at Gates of Somerset. Lisa Dotson of Revelations died at Lost Oasis. Mary Hodgson of The Vermin died at Road to Elmsfield. David Morales of Crimson Riders died at Oil Slick. Rosa Crocker of Crimson Riders died at Oil Slick. Theodore Robinson of Poole Pirates died at Once Upon a Town. Maya Williams of SeaDragons died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. `Careless` Claire Leal of Crazy Canucks died at Forever Yellow Skies. `Where`s` Waldo Whang of Renshai died at Highway to Hell. Corine `Mac 10` Robinson of Street Pizza died at Gateway Interstate Arena. Jane Gammon of The Good Guys died at Serpentine Road. Henry `The Drifter` Schulz of Suisycos died at Pathway to Darkness. Rita `New New` York of Dust Trolls died at Rocket Flats. Joseph Valley of Something else died at Ring of Death Arena. Ralph `Get Wiggy` Wiggins of The Light Brigade died at Ring of Death Arena. Stephanie Warren of Suisycos died at Double Down Arena. Aleisha MacDougall of MADHAT died at Road to Somerset. Bruce Miller of MADHAT died at Road to Somerset. Freddy Garrido of MADHAT died at Road to Somerset. `Dirty` Dana Vestal of CryptKeepers died at Spooky Forest. Connie Washington of Somerset Press died at Lost Oasis. Michael Johnson of Somerset Press died at Lost Oasis. Dan Sanger of Somerset Press died at Lost Oasis. `Dr.` Anna Alatorre of Somerset Press died at Lost Oasis. Peter Bird of La Banda del Maki died at Once Upon a Town. Donald Duck of Pigs o Porking died at Sandy. Walter Robinson of The New Age Army died at Road to Elmsfield. Dustin `Shotta Shine` Quick of Cowboys Unlimited died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 1. `Mosh` Ann Tosh of Crazy Canucks died at Road to Somerset. Michael `Gilbert` Sullivan of Crazy Canucks died at Road to Somerset. Dustin `Rock` Hudson of Crazy Canucks died at Road to Somerset. Skye Lopez of Pigs o Porking died at Road to Somerset. James Patterson of Justice Delivered died at Northern Farm Land. Richard `Zim` Zimmer of Justice Delivered died at Northern Farm Land. Kathy `Hack` Fleming of Justice Delivered died at Northern Farm Land. Margaret Bautista of Poole Pirates died at Acid Land. Matthew Hernandez of Justice Delivered died at Lost Oasis. `The Rainmaker` John Money of Precipitous Treachery died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Frank Beery of Poole Pirates died at Acid Land. Jerry Love of Womens Auxiliary Balloon Corps died at Gates of Somerset. Maria Cole of Roads to Madness died at Road to Elmsfield. Megan `Double-Tap` Fox of Revelations died at Road to Somerset. Rex Remington of Scavengers Fury died at Road to Somerset. John `The Crossing` Miller of Justice Delivered died at Road to Somerset. William `Abandon` Shipp of Justice Delivered died at Road to Somerset. Edith Hudson of The Wolfhounds died at Lost Trail: Dead River. `Little` Aimee Rodriguez of The Wolfhounds died at Lost Trail: Dead River. `Don Juan` Frederick Swords of The Wolfhounds died at Lost Trail: Dead River. Kim `Trash Talk` Oliver of The Wolfhounds died at Lost Trail: Dead River. Randy Wolf of The Wolfhounds died at Lost Trail: Dead River. Christopher `Monkey Wrench` Kerlin of The Wolfhounds died at Lost Trail: Dead River. Ben Dover of Hogs of Destiny died at Northern Desert Circuit. Janel Delmonte of Flaming Engines died at Gates of Somerset. Alice Cooper of Infinite Improbabilities died at Interstate Mythos. Stanley Richmond of Ravenwood died at Road to Somerset. Jennifer Lopez of Ravenwood died at Road to Somerset. `Married Again` Mark Bell of Ravenwood died at Road to Somerset. `Beam me up` Scottie Plotkin of Holy Mutant Death Squad died at Elmsfield Hills Rally Circuit. John `Monty` Montgomery of CryptKeepers died at Interstate Mythos. Laverne `Laserburn` White of CryptKeepers died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop. Arthur Ketron of Poole Pirates died at Once Upon a Town. Barbara Owens of CryptKeepers died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop. David Heinemann of Holy Mutant Death Squad died at Bombed Luna Road. Taylor `Dude my car!` Mercado of Street Pizza died at Spooky Forest. John Peterman of Axis of Weevils died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop. Magdalen Sims of Flaming Engines died at Road to Elmsfield. `Saint` Jude Parson of Cowboys Unlimited died at Gates of Somerset. `Hellin` Ellen Blankinship of PA Racers died at Gates of Sarsfield. Lonnie Sadler of Triumph died at Lost Trail: Overland. Logan Lang of Triumph died at Gates of Elmsfield. Michael Carley of Poole Pirates died at Scattered Grounds. Alissa `Axe Murderer` Logan of CryptKeepers died at Scattered Grounds. Chadwick Scheel of Poole Pirates died at Forever Yellow Skies. Edna `the kid` Murray of rancid died at Gates of Somerset. Jayson Martin of Paladins died at Gates of Somerset. Kenneth `Breaker bar` Davis of PA Racers died at Oil Slick. Leslie Henry of madraiders died at Blown With the Wind. John Maloney of madraiders died at Blown With the Wind. Roxanne Barlow of Garage Boyz died at Gates of Somerset. Donald `Willis` Bruce of Poole Pirates died at The Pit. Gabriella `8 Toes` Gabaldon of Waghlons Newer Raiders died at The Pit. Shon Wirtz of Revelations died at Sandy. `John` Phillip Souza of Precipitous Treachery died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop. Nicholas Compton of Precipitous Treachery died at Once Upon a Town. Michael Grant of Axis of Weevils died at Forever Yellow Skies. Bobbi Gable of Justice Delivered died at Northern Farm Land. Flora Gilmer of Justice Delivered died at Once Upon a Town. Robert Harris of Hogs of Destiny died at Northern Farm Land. James Lovell of CryptKeepers died at Northern Farm Land. Mary Furr of CryptKeepers died at Once Upon a Town. Timothy Rowe of Revelations died at Road to Elmsfield. James Shropshire of The Vermin died at Gates of Somerset. Krystal `Cocked` Gatling of NoT-HiP died at Northern Farm Land. Aaron `Greasy` Gilmour of Flaming Engines died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 3. Ryan `Salt` Peters of Justice Delivered died at Lost Trail: Dead River. James `Baird` Ferrero of Justice Delivered died at Northern Farm Land. `Sir` Brian Miles of Road Templars died at Lonesome Highway. `Dame` Marion White of Road Templars died at Lonesome Highway. John `Budweiser` Selby of Suisycos died at Somerset Rally Circuit. Dianne Grant of The Vermin died at Blown With the Wind. Marc Russ of The Vermin died at Blown With the Wind. Lori Carter of The Vermin died at Blown With the Wind. Peter Graves of Triumph died at Gates of Elmsfield. `Dr Death` Drucilla Nunez of The BAMFs died at Northern Foothills Racetrack (at night). William Ray of Pigs o Porking died at Serpentine Road. Linda Perez of Justice Delivered died at Northern Farm Land. Claire Reider of Hot Trax died at Blown With the Wind. Robert `Tokin` Tobey of Hot Trax died at Blown With the Wind. Matthew Burchett of Pigs o Porking died at Northern Farm Land. Lloyd `Rooster` Cogburn of Cowboys Unlimited died at The Pit. Marshall Kuhn of Poole Pirates died at Northern Farm Land. Jon Walker of Coolerheads died at Gates of Elmsfield. Gary Crittenden of Coolerheads died at Gates of Elmsfield. Edwin Evans of NoT-HiP died at Gates of Elmsfield. Scott `The Mutant` Hunter of Precipitous Treachery died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Jason Meyer of Fraggle Rock died at The Pit. Leroy Hudson of Fraggle Rock died at Road to Somerset. Robbie `Baby Killer` Spencer of Precipitous Treachery died at Scattered Grounds. Lauren Jaco of Boars of Boozin died at Gates of Somerset. Mary `Nancy Gal` Regan of Justice Delivered died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Steven Parrish of Rogue Traders died at Forever Yellow Skies. Carl Jordan of Paladins died at Gates of Somerset. Angel `Tower` Hollis of Abysmal Horrors died at Acid Land. David Diaz of Pigs o Porking died at Northern Farm Land. Rodney Latham of Load Runners died at Northern Desert Circuit. Eric Phillips of Poole Pirates died at Northern Desert Circuit. Justin Tripp of Hogs of Destiny died at Highway to Hell. Wilbur `Peanuts` Schroeder of Crazy Canucks died at Lost Oasis. Oneida `Neck` Brace of Crazy Canucks died at Lost Oasis. Herbert Speirs of Hogs of Destiny died at Northern Farm Land. Matt `KoKo` Koehler of Hogs of Destiny died at Northern Farm Land. Earl Butler of The Rusters died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 2. Enrique Johnson of Womens Auxiliary Balloon Corps died at Northern Farm Land. Ruth Bastian of The Vermin died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 2. Tim `Ranger` Lawless of Headspace and Timing died at Road to Elmsfield. George `Oilman` Bush of Headspace and Timing died at Road to Elmsfield. Nigel French of Izzys Irregulars died at Pathway to Darkness. John Jones of Psychopomp died at Gates of Somerset. Charles `Elf` Jackson of Racontuers died at Northern Speedway. Gilbert `One Ear` Nagle of Flaming Engines died at The Pit. Cecil Meyer of CryptKeepers died at Lost Oasis. John `Free` Whelan of Justice Delivered died at Gates of Somerset. Have you felt the urge to add something to the Role playing section !!! have you a story line itching to see the light of day !!! been on a scout that requires the attention of everyone else !!! have a car design you wish to share with the community !!!  Image courtesy of google I am looking for submissions for the upcoming gazettes, submissions have dried up of late, and i am beginning to suffer finding anything to add to our gazette, if you feel you have anything to contribute please contact me via PM here *Grograt*.. Thanks  This list shows just who has been winning the most lucrative prizes on the circuits and arenas of Evan, during the past month. 1. Blackwatch: $1620529. Even the best take a beating at first After a quick trade run to Elmsfield, several senior members of Clarinbridge Crushers, including Steve Jackson and Annette Jackman, were on their way back to Somerset when they were attacked by North Desert Marauders. Following a good battle, they picked up a few new cars including a beat up boxvan. Well, headed straight back for Elmsfield with the loot they were waylaid by a large group from Hammerstein. The boxvan`s engine went first, and it was unable to bring its rear-mounted Cannon to bear on the opposition. A mighty scrap in the middle of the road as the Crushers tried to cut and run for town; long-time gang leader Steve Jackson was getting pummelled and new member Jim Reid was nearly down too.  Image courtesy of Sam This was enough, and the Crushers surrendered their vehicles. A costly excursion, with losses above 100k. A harsh lesson about getting greedy with the loot. A beat-up boxvan is a deathtrap. Reporter - *Grograt* |
 -It`s January 2058,16 years ago an enterprising ex-deathracer from the Elmsfield region - Arizona - set up the Darkwind Gazette, the first newspaper published since the apocalypse. The Gazette brought you bi-monthly news of death racing events as well as the state of the local gangs and trade routes to all literate survivors on Evan. Now nearly 20 years after its original release, another editor has taken the reigns, attempting to keep the old tradition going. With help from members of the infamous Bastiel gang and Rezeak our resident reporter, we hope to keep reporting the escapades of the long legacy of renowned gangs, just biting at the bit to get their blood stains in print. Grograt leader of the ` Heavy Metal Marauders` can now be found typing away at a desk rather than sitting in his Apachee reloading HMG`s Heres to a new epoch, heres to a new breed of Death reporting HERES TO THE GAZETTE Reporter - *Grograt*  Image courtesy of Google We still keep in touch with some and they occasional send us some views they see across Evan. They sometimes make for a disturbing view, of what our society has become. Many a major city has fallen into complete dis repair, left by its inhabitants many decades ago and now just empty shells, of eerie sounds and shadows. Locals Mobilise  Image courtesy of Google On one of his many journeys taking courier packages between towns JD Basher comes across a local militia scouring the area for unwanted pirates. He would have stopped to ask for more details, but they didnt look like they were interested in a chit chat and slice of cake. probably a good idea that our JD carried on past this scene. ************************************************ More images come into our office from an unnamed resource, they seem to be travelling far out into the extremes of semi civilised surroundings. God only knows what they will come across in this many spired Cathedral of doom. Civilisation has departed from this place many years ago. Never Safe To Stop  Image courtesy of Google Roads deserted, no sign of any murderous pirates ... no signs of humanity ... nothing ... just the smell of decay .. lingering on the wind. Reporter - *Grograt* By Sheila `Ma` Smith * * * Half an hour later, we are sweating our way up the jagged solidified lava that passes for the road between Badlands and Firelight. Our crew looks solid enough: three musclecars with horse- and firepower. The sun hangs low in the sky, illuminating the dancing motes of ash and dust that hang in the air. Gouts of flame jet heavenwards as the tortured earth vents its inner bile. A violent eruption draws my eye, and when I turn my attention back to the road, the mutants are everywhere. Ahead, a Buzz Cut and an Eliminator block our path. An Antagonist and a Radon Rancher hold our right flank. A Beaster - a monstrous van with reinforced plates welded to around the front - threatens to block our retreat. `Charging a buzzer on a hill ain`t so smart`, says Willie. `Bootlegger it.` We throw the vehicles into a sharp turn and accelerate down the rocky hill. Behind us, the Antagonist opens up with a car rifle, round after round finding the tail end of Willie`s Phoenix. Smoke pours out and for a moment, I fear a lucky strike has found the engine. But it`s the blue-grey cloud of a smoke generator covering our retreat. `Pay attention, love, for Gawd`s sake.` Harry`s voice crackles on the radio. `Watch your 2 o`clock.` I look round. The Beaster is careering across the rocks to cut off our retreat. I swing the wheel hard left, but it`s too late. With a sickening crunch, the reinforced plates welded to the Beaster`s frame crash into my side and the Sunrise flies off the road into a jagged lava field. The van driver slides his van sidewards and crunches into the BFF Flail, turning it through 180 degrees.  I wrestle to regain control, swearing as I feel all four of the tyres explode on the unforgiving rock. I hear Willie Nelson cry out in pain as a bullet all but severs his leg, and a spume of black, oily smoke spills from his engine. `So, we all gonna die?` I ask, proud that I kept my voice matter-of-fact. Willie guffawed. `You ain`t dead till you`re dead. Jes` focus on getting up that hill.` Over the radio, I can hear Jesus whimpering. No one comments as Willie shuts off his transmission. Three musclecars limp up the hill on either side of the Beaster, while an Antagonist keeps up a steady accurate fire. Then we have a stroke of luck.  `You`ll never believe it. That Beaster jes` rammed his own ganger.` Tongues of flame flickered across the hood of the Antagonist and the rate of fire dropped. `We might have a chance.` I stomped my foot down hard and the car responded sluggishly, four rims digging deep into the surface of the road and throwing sparks in a wide arc. I felt a jolt and looked round in panic. `That`ll help you.` In the rear-view mirror, I could just see Harrys expressionless mask as he pushes my rear-end up the hill. `Now, get them off our tail,` he orders as the Flail swerved to pass me, the throaty roar of the 5 litre engine rumbling around the hilltops. I triggered the flaming oil and prayed to whichever deity was listening that I could make it up the hill.  `You two get clear at the top,` instructed Harry. `I`ll set up an ambush and hug `em good.` He threw the Flail into a loop and raced back along an elevated rock formation. I crawled past his hilltop perch, relieved that only the Antagonist and Radon Rancher had stuck to the chase. My relief was short-lived as a carmine beam from a heavy laser sizzled past my right ear. `It`s kissing time,` screamed Harry. The staccato rhythm of a heavy gatling rent the air. The Antagonist swerved left, narrowly avoiding the plunge into a deep ravine. The Rancher broke right, lurching across tyre-destroying lava fields and coming to rest with its hood wrapped around a decaying tree.  `And we`re home free,` whooped Harry, as we fled across the blasted roadway. * * *`That was a disaster,` said Willie. He clasped a field bandage to his left leg and tightened his belt around it. `Nah,` said Harry. `You`re still alive, aincha? Sides, half our scouts go like that.` On his left hand, the sock puppet smirked. `So, yous all ready to go again?` We know that of late in Somerset members of ` Cowboys Unlimited ` have opened up their very own paint shop, with many classic designs hitting the wasteland. Here are some prime examples of the new wave of very impressive vehicles rolling out of the gates, highly polished and extremely envied by many. First on the list are these main vehicles used by ` Hitmen Trucking ` following closely to old Navy and Airforce themes, Pre the Sun Burst.  Image courtesy of JS Hitmen Trucking Inc We all agree here at the Gazette that the Fire Engine is a very impressive vehicle to have in your arsenal and worthy of such a paint job as seen here.  Image courtesy of JS Hitmen Trucking Inc These vehicles can be seen taking down many a pirate squad in the wastes, hard work and plenty of primer keep them pristine on every mission. *********************************************************** Next we have a beautiful example of the work from Cowboys Unlimited this Apachee sporting crucifix gun slits and a very black theme, is enough to scare any mutant back to their underground hell hole  Image courtesy of JeeTeeOh Cowboys Unlimited  Image courtesy of JeeTeeOh Cowboys Unlimited  Image courtesy of JeeTeeOh Cowboys Unlimited Now a message from the Cowboys them selves. GTO`s Paint-N-Body Well howdy, gents! If yer lookin` for custom paint and don`t have the money or good sense to talk ta one o` the more professional gangs around here, then look no further! GTO`s Paint-N-Body is the place for you! We feature gen-u-ine lead-based paint so`s ya don`t hafta worry `bout your `purty` flakin` off in the heat o` battle. And our `If It Ain`t Right We`ll Fix It Till We Won`t` money-back guarantee is second to none, if ya ask us.  Image courtesy of JeeTeeOh Cowboys Unlimited Yep. If it`s good enough fer us, it`s good enough fer you. Otherwise you`da gone somewhere else, now wouldn`tcha? So go ahead an` contact GTO`s Paint-N-Body. We`ll get it right the second time fer sure! Reporter - *Grograt* |