2044
| | Jan/Feb 2044 |
 [The Gazette would like to apologize for the poor quality of the pictures, and the occasional artifact left over from the digital editing] For as long as there have been journalists, there have been those who try to suppress the free word. And the spite and hatred of those who fear the blinding light of the truth has known no bounds, and the ways in which they have tried to silence us have been many and terrible. But we, the reporters of the Darkwind Gazette, are willing to bet our journalistic integrity and honesty that never before in the history of journalism have such a bold attack been made against the free press. Yesterday, a lone but powerfully armored and armed car from the infamous criminal syndicate The Empire penetrated the gates of Somerset, drove recklessly through the streets, and proceeded to attack the Darkwind Gazette office building with an array of heavy rockets. The countless of missiles broke apart the outer facade of the building, and did extreme damage to the interior of the office.   [The above pictures have been edited to include additional information, in what our criminal experts say is a very probable simulation of the actual turn of events.] Thanks to an extreme bout of luck, all the journalists and editors of the Gazette were currently holding a private but official conference in the back room of Dexters, and no Gazette worker or citizen of Somerset were harmed. Thanks to a clever security system put in place by the Gazette for an occasion just like this one, we were able to take several pictures of the attack. Due to logistic and organizational issues, the Gazette employees did not return to the office until noon today, whereupon the damage was discovered. It was clear to anyone witnessing the destruction wrought upon the office building that had anyone remained behind in the office, their lives would have been in severe danger. The only clue to this sudden and seemingly demented action is a few words left behind by the attacker, scribbled in the sand outside the Gazette building. Even though we have put our most proficient linguistic experts on interpreting the message, none have been able to decipher it. We suspect it is either a pirate pidgin, or the language of a long-ago lost civilization. The message reads: `pwnd! lol`. We have yet to investigate the cause, motivation, reason, or anything ever distantly related to rational behavior, behind The Empire`s attack. Their target and methods, however, have been made crystal clear. So we are calling for a hunt. Whoever returns with a truthful tale of Empire members killed in action, will receive a special honorific and mention in the Gazette. Furthermore, whoever kills the most Empire members in each two-month period will receive the Pirate Hunter of the Month title, and will receive a mention in the Gazette that will dwarf the other Empire kill awards in both symbolism and font size. [We would recommend all would-be pirate hunters to use the photographing equipment so mysteriously installed in each vehicle to provide us with a shot that proves their tale.] To any Empire members who might read the Gazette [if only to look at the pictures and gawk at the pretty colors]: You`ve messed with the wrong freedom of speech. This time, we bring more than yellow paint to the confrontation. We will make you news. - The Darkwind Gazette, Somerset Office Sweeping his long yellow-white hair back from his wrinkled face, wild eyes staring, a lowered voice that yet holds the attention of everyone in the room. `Yes, the Lights have been seen again above the Northern Desert, bright in the daytime for the first time since the Great Burn.`  `But what does it mean?` pipes up a brash young deathracer, a short girl with spikey hair and leather jacket festooned with pop slogans and local merchant logos. `Well, we`ve seen this often enough during the night` answers Korivak. `But these Lights only shone brightly enough to be seen during full daylight right before the sun went crazy. I tell you this is a bad sign.`  `And this may be worse.. the Lights used to shine in the Northern sky only, back when I was young and the world was clean. I can tell you for certain, the Lights that we have seen over the farmlands came from the east!` `If the sun is coming back for us, I don`t know who here has the strength to resist.`   This list shows just who has been winning the most lucrative prizes on the circuits and arenas of Evan, during the past month. 1. Fish Heads: $329307. |
 Once again Advanced Race Labs have been the most successful autoduellers, scooping two of the three major leagues - race and deathrace - as well as the deathrace ladder, the Northern Summer League and the two minor leagues running in Elmsfield and Gateway Truckstop.  Bruce `Don`t Start` Cummings of 88 MPH died at Once Upon a Town. Ethel Larrison of The Ghosts died at Road to Somerset. Haywood `Pathfinder` Brecht of Advanced RaceLabs died at Forever Yellow Skies. Mark Ortiz of The Ghosts died at Northern Farm Land. `Evans` Evan Evans of Team Bansi died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Luna Cline of the mad mad crushers died at Road to Elmsfield. Bruce Metzler of the mad mad crushers died at Gates of Somerset. Lance `Aimedshot` Rubio of Advanced RaceLabs died at Blown With the Wind. Erica `mkay` Mackey of Advanced RaceLabs died at Blown With the Wind. Marlon Giuliani of The Ghosts died at Road to Somerset. Charles Placencia of 88 MPH died at Blown With the Wind. Ronald Pharr of War Hippies died at Blown With the Wind. Richard Ruffin of GovermantResistance died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Keith Dalrymple of Produce_Vendors died at Northern Desert Circuit. Mark Ham of The Thug Matrix died at Lost Oasis. Daniel `Frosty` Snow of SD Rollers died at Lost Trail: Overland. Diana Martin of Ricky Ranjits Raiders died at Highway to Hell. Robert Smith of The Thug Matrix died at Road to Somerset. Douglas `James` Mason of Smoke me a kipper died at Scattered Hills. Jamal `J-Beast` Williams of SD Rollers died at Gates of Somerset. William Miller of SplashandBurn died at Highway to Hell. Quinn `Switcher` Emberton of SplashandBurn died at Highway to Hell. Evan `Julius` Caesar of Team Bansi died at Interstate Mythos. Ken `the Cleric` Dirks of Team Bansi died at Interstate Mythos. `Tio` Leo Sanon of SD Rollers died at Lost Trail: Broken Ground. Octavio `Lil Sniper` Ferron of SD Rollers died at Lost Trail: Broken Ground. Angel `Purgatory` Pagano of SD Rollers died at Lost Trail: Broken Ground. Wanda Hill of GovermantResistance died at Burning Skies. Norma Lewis of NPC died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Monica Pearsall of NPC died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Chelsea England of 4sakens Hellions died at Road to Somerset. `Atomic` Adam Flax of SD Rollers died at Gates of Somerset. Eric Joiner of Advanced RaceLabs died at Sandy. Richard `DARTHSPANKY` Solomon of KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS died at Blown With the Wind. John McDonald of Ricky Ranjits Raiders died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop. Mike Pehrson of Ricky Ranjits Raiders died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop. Richard Schmidt of NPC died at Smokey Hills. Joe Brumfield of NPC died at Smokey Hills. Eric Sheets of War Hippies died at Road to Elmsfield. `Flakey` Joe Lakey of War Hippies died at Road to Elmsfield. Homer Wolfe of the mad mad crushers died at Scattered Grounds. Betty `Boo` Hamon of Riotous Assembly died at Forever Yellow Skies. `Mad Bad` Rachel Collins of Riotous Assembly died at Forever Yellow Skies. Guillermo `Big Guns` Rao of Riotous Assembly died at Forever Yellow Skies. `The Cro-Mag` Amparo Wicks of The Reeking Pukes died at Somerset Rally Circuit. Stephan Vitale of 5th MI died at Northern Speedway. Erin `Mayhem` Moreau of Forsaken died at Northern Foothills Racetrack (at night). John Russell of 88 MPH died at Interstate Mythos. Freida Brooks of 88 MPH died at Interstate Mythos. Gregory `Lug Nut` Beahm of Fish Heads died at Smokey Hills. Lorraine Gunn of The Reeking Pukes died at Somerset Rally Circuit. Bryan Powers of Holy Rollers died at Gates of Firelight. `Mondo` Nick Olivera of Burnt Tree Security died at Gates of Somerset. James Hockensmith of Collision Force died at Lost Oasis. Robert `Shellshocker` Fuller of Advanced RaceLabs died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop. Jewell Dwyer of Legends of the Interstate died at Road to Somerset. Diana Henry of The Thug Matrix died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Felix `El Gato` Canizales of SD Rollers died at Road to Elmsfield. Frank Castle of SD Rollers died at Road to Elmsfield. Thomas `Lippy` Lipscomb of Riotous Assembly died at Scattered Grounds. Rachel Lemaster of Riotous Assembly died at Scattered Grounds. Paul Carpenter of the mad mad crushers died at Road to Somerset. Noble Deeds of Advanced RaceLabs died at Gates of Firelight. Ann Rael of The Thug Matrix died at Gates of Elmsfield. Earl Price of The EELs died at Somerset Arena. Gabriel Shafer of Ricky Ranjits Raiders died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. Gilbert Welch of Ricky Ranjits Raiders died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. May Bailey of The PatPendings died at Gates of Somerset. Jeffrey `Freestyles` Fowler of SD Rollers died at Road to Elmsfield. Martha Hernandez of the mad mad crushers died at Scattered Hills. Curtis Straight of Forsaken died at Road to Somerset. Ronnie Fischer of GovermantResistance died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop. James Bailes of Road Ronins died at Gates of Elmsfield. Kimberly May of Lattes Raiders died at Sandy. Donald William of Lattes Raiders died at Sandy. Andrew Scott of Lattes Raiders died at Sandy. William Hooper of SplashandBurn died at Somerset Arena. Fidel `Castro` Marrero of SplashandBurn died at Somerset Rally Circuit. Charles `MISTER CHARLY` Nelson of KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS died at Northern Desert Circuit. John `Pacifist` Brown of Forsaken died at Northern Desert Circuit. One of today`s most famous large guns specialists is a member of Da Moonies - we are referring of course to 'Rapier' Barbara Pereira. |