May/Jun
2117
Pirate Killah of the Year

For as long as there have been journalists, there have been those who try to suppress the free word. You all remember how The Empire so cruelly and foolishly struck against the Darkwind Gazette half a year ago. Pure providence, and Dexter`s, saved the life of the Gazette staff working that evening.

What many of you seem to have forgotten, however, is the generous offer made by the Darkwind Gazette to all those who would seek vengeance in our name.

Well, not everyone forgot. Tonight, we pay tribute to one of the bravest and most noble car gangs in all of Evan:



It is with great fanfare, much ado, and 21 bloody trombones that we now pronounce the Klingon Girl Scouts as the



9 Empire members died at the hand of three car crews of the Klingon Girl Scouts. Not only is this a triumph for the Darkwind Gazette in its struggle for justice and honour in this broken land, but a triumph against pirates everywhere. With only three vehicles, the proud sons and daughters of the Klingon Girl Scouts brought down almost thrice their number. You don`t believe us? See for yourself.















[The text in the pictures are, as always, additional information added by our ballistics experts, in what they believe to be a very realistic simulation of the damage inflicted and the injuries incurred. Any other strange symbols and screen clutter are artifacts left over from the digital editing. Our editing team are, of course, blameless, but the very recent attack on our office has left us with faulty equipment and insufficient resources. Just another injustice commit against the free word by those who would see the whole world plunged into darkness and fascism. Yep, you guessed it: The Empire.]

So, tonight, we, the Darkwind Gazette, with the Klingon Girl Scouts by our side, would like to send a message to pirates everywhere:

`One big pickup, one apache, and one Buzzer are all parked outside the Gazette building. You should recognize them. After all, they were the ones who freed the world of 9 of your wretched kind not long ago.

Come and get us. We are waiting.`

The Darkwind Gazette would also like to announce an alteration of the original rules for the Pirate Killah competition: to better emphasize the valour of those who stand by our side against the rising tide of scum and villany, we will now announce the Pirate Killah on a yearly basis. The prestigious title goes to whoever can show uf proof of the largest number of killed Empire members each year.

Do you realize what this means, dear reader? Yes, you only have 364 days and 23 hours left. Others are already out there, working to claim the title that could be yours. Somewhere among them are the Klingon Girl Scouts. If you are to stand a chance against these herous of myth and legend, you had better re-attach that broken machine gun to your Buggy, return those three ruined antagonists to Dexter, recall your best gunner from the drunken debauchery in the camps, and say goodbye to the Somerset city gates you will not see for another year as you leave civilization to bring justice to the farthest reaches of the wastelands...

Go, our wayward sons, and show the terrors of the wastelands that there are things even living nightmares must fear...


Advanced Race Labs Win Gateway Autumn Meltdown League

The Gateway Autumn Meltdown League finished, with Advanced Race Labs taking the overall victory and a prize of $20000. The runners-up were Riotous Assembly, and finishing in third place overall were River Bandits.

Harlequins Fortune Win Elmsfield Autumn Classic League

The Elmsfield Autumn Classic League finished, with Harlequins Fortune taking the overall victory and a prize of $20000. The runners-up were River Bandits, and finishing in third place overall were Mambas Maniacs.

Evan`s Most Wanted

The most wanted gangs in Evan today are listed below. The bounty listed for each gang is a combination of the amount offered by local vigilante groups and by disgrunted individuals, and represents the amount of money you would expect to be paid for each senior member of the gang you kill.

1. KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS (Somerset): $5046.
2. The PatPendings (Somerset): $4220.
3. the mad mad crushers (Somerset): $3426.
4. Forsaken (Somerset): $1250.
5. Initial Drift (Somerset): $884.
6. CYBERPUNKS (Somerset): $542.
7. The Thug Matrix (Somerset): $421.
8. Badland Rudeboys (Badlands Truckstop): $391.

Leagues Roundup

The major leagues are nearly concluded, and with the title races hotting up, here are the current favourites:

Somerset Combat League - Wasteland Extravaganza
Somerset Deathrace League - Advanced RaceLabs
Somerset Race League - Advanced RaceLabs
Evan Race Ladder - Advanced RaceLabs
Evan Deathrace Ladder - Pestilence
Evan Arena Combat Ladder - Advanced RaceLabs

In addition, the leaders of the minor leagues are:

Gateway Autumn Meltdown League - Advanced RaceLabs
Elmsfield Autumn Classic League - Harlequins Fortune



Jared `Weasel` Wenzel of The PatPendings died at Highway to Hell.


Robert `Versatility` Puckett of The PatPendings died at Highway to Hell.


Young `Baby Face` Huffman of The PatPendings died at Highway to Hell.


Von Zeigler of The PatPendings died at Highway to Hell.


James `Jackhammer` Jones of The PatPendings died at Highway to Hell.


Shirley Floyd of Revenants died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 3.


Roberta Smith of Mambas Maniacs died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


`Creepy` Peter Smith of Team Bansi died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Rema `Lightning` O`Connor of Vigilante Knights died at Once Upon a Town.


Hunter `Grave` Geist of Vigilante Knights died at Once Upon a Town.


Dwayne `Mac` Vigil of SplashandBurn died at Somerset Arena.


Eric `Frido Bandito` Hendrickson of Burntoast and Jelly died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


`Crooked Eye` Burt Tostado of Burntoast and Jelly died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Herman Lott of Jackknife Armada died at Scattered Grounds.


Tami `Ninjako` Grahm of The Paradise died at Somerset Arena.


`The Lion` Leopoldo Shaw of Pestilence died at Lost Trail: Dead River.


Adrian Sena of aireskillers died at Road to Somerset.


Keith Jones of aireskillers died at Road to Somerset.


John `Ruthless` Rupert of DeathFromAbove died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Willie `Joey` Barton of Smoke me a kipper died at Lost Trail: Dead River.


Thomas `Fook` Hupp of Smoke me a kipper died at Lost Trail: Dead River.


Shannon `Georgie` Best of Smoke me a kipper died at Lost Trail: Dead River.


Dwayne `Boozer` Digby of Smoke me a kipper died at Lost Trail: Dead River.


Kristin Nigro of Trucido died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.


Ralph `Moron` Morin of The PatPendings died at Highway to Hell.


Charles Cargile of Black Rock died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Denise Witt of Delta 88s died at Road to Somerset.


Dwight Johnson of Trucido died at Road to Elmsfield.


Noel `Deadshot` Pope of The Thug Matrix died at Northern Farm Land.


Travis Edwards of Lattes Raiders died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Arthur `Cracka`` Graham of Mambas Maniacs died at Elmsfield Lake Track.


Joanna `Poky` Tello of Kermits Calvary died at Lost Oasis.


Maria Hall of Kermits Calvary died at Lost Oasis.


Estelle `BAD BAD LEROY` Brown of KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS died at Gates of Elmsfield.


Scott `Scrooge` Miser of Gearjammers died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Eric Creech of CorpseGrinders died at Blown With the Wind.


Stephen Brown of aireskillers died at Northern Farm Land.


Gilbert Trevino of We B Right died at Road to Somerset.


Matthew Branton of Comanche died at Road to Elmsfield.


Scott Hammonds of Troubadours died at Road to Elmsfield.


Jess Manzanares of Troubadours died at Road to Elmsfield.


`Doctor` Lyle Lemmon of Troubadours died at Road to Elmsfield.


Barbara Bethea of Evan Transit Authority died at Blown With the Wind.


Anne Johnson of The Paradise died at Somerset Arena.


`Doctor` Harmony Wacker of The Vanguards died at Elmsfield Hills Rally Circuit.


Pearl Streit of Produce_Vendors died at Road to Elmsfield.


`Miss` Cheryl Mills of Trucido died at Lost Oasis.


Aida Bullard of Trucido died at Lost Oasis.


`J.R.` Bob Dobbs of Advanced RaceLabs died at Somerset Arena.


Michelle `Boom Boom` German of Hand Gesture died at Blown With the Wind.


Charles `]-[arbringer` Hermosillo of The Thug Matrix died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Arena.


Joseph Fields of River Bandits died at Lost Trail: Broken Ground.


Harold McKibben of Produce_Vendors died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 2.


Johnny Knight of Vigilante Knights died at Scattered Hills.


Micheal Rodrigues of Trucido died at Road to Somerset.


Traci Cole of Trucido died at Road to Somerset.


Corey Thorsen of Trucido died at Road to Somerset.


Linda Sandoval of DeathFromAbove died at Scattered Grounds.


`Ranger` Ariel Needham of Comanche died at Road to Somerset.


Georgia `ass` Cave of Delta 88s died at Scattered Grounds.


Douglas `Gilderoy` Lockhart of MainForcePatrol died at Highway to Hell.


Bobby Espinosa of Brain Damaged died at Lost Oasis.


Dante Pardo of BroadRausters died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 1.


Ula Toms of Burnt Tree Security died at Gates of Somerset.


`Mourning` Gloria Riner of We B Right died at Interstate Mythos.


Mary Johnson of We B Right died at Interstate Mythos.


Troy Santos of We B Right died at Interstate Mythos.


Donald Buggs of We B Right died at Interstate Mythos.


Tiffany `Tiff` Davis of We B Right died at Interstate Mythos.


Carlo `Clothes Horse` Abercrombie of Mambas Maniacs died at Scattered Grounds.


Michael `Dead Shot` Whittaker of Ricky Ranjits Raiders died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Charles `Screamer` Gregory of Mizcreantz died at Scattered Hills.


Jim `Smitty` Smith of Mambas Maniacs died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


David `Big Guns` Gibbs of Delta 88s died at Blown With the Wind.


Lionel `The Colonel` Sanders of Longos Merry Men died at Road to Elmsfield.


Shirley `arweinydd` Vaughn of The Paradise died at Somerset Dirt Racing Track.


Thomas Snipes of MainForcePatrol died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Jaime `Big` Rounds of Pestilence died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


`His Lordship` Paul Ashby of Revenants died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 3.


Nancy Moldenhauer of aireskillers died at Smokey Hills.


Ann Stephens of Jackknife Armada died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


James Mann of Jackknife Armada died at Gates of Somerset.


Daniel Sanchez of River Bandits died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Sarah `Hotfoot` Haupt of Mizcreantz died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 3.


William Ward of 2 Phat 2 Phunky died at Sandy.


Jack `SG1` O`Neill of Advanced RaceLabs died at Somerset Arena.


John Sicard of The PatPendings died at Scattered Grounds.


Sebastian Sherman of The PatPendings died at Scattered Grounds.


Jim Irwin of DeathFromAbove died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Lady Wolf of Vigilante Knights died at Somerset Arena.


Lori `Murray` Murrill of Riotous Assembly died at Scattered Grounds.


`Long` John Long of Riotous Assembly died at Scattered Grounds.


Steve Hay of Lattes Raiders died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Pablo `Puppet` Trujillo of SD Rollers died at Blown With the Wind.


Heidi Pellegrini of Gasserz died at Lost Oasis.


Mark Goodman of Jackknife Armada died at Interstate Mythos.


Takako `AKAK` Vaccaro of Burnt Tree Security died at Highway to Hell.


`foolish` Knox Harrington of Burnt Tree Security died at Highway to Hell.


`Adaptable` Bobby Shaftoe of Burnt Tree Security died at Highway to Hell.


`Lady` Maude Lebowski of Burnt Tree Security died at Highway to Hell.


Ulysses `the greek` Chavez of Burnt Tree Security died at Highway to Hell.


George `Cutting-Torch` Chadwick of Mambas Maniacs died at Lost Trail: Broken Ground.


Juan Gray of Jackknife Armada died at Gates of Somerset.


William `Wild Bill` Drake of Longos Merry Men died at Gates of Somerset.


`Sergeant` Stephen Longo of Longos Merry Men died at Gates of Somerset.


Chuck `The Iceman` Liddell of Longos Merry Men died at Gates of Somerset.



'the Duke' Ronnie Allman

This month, we caught up with 'the Duke' Ronnie Allman of Da Moonies, one of Evan`s most skilled scouts.

Current DW Gazette Editors: Sam, Hati, Racing Robbie, Bastille, Rezeak, SmokeyKilla.