Bowling for Jesus


Posted Jul 1, 2008, 5:08 pm
Jesus Christ walks into the firelight bar. The innkeeper looks up and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Jesus calmly replies "I assure you my child, it is not." He carries a familiar bowling ball shaped bundle under one arm.
As he makes his way across the bar, he continues "You see I take cuddling very seriously, but it seems that the mutants and gangers around here..... well they're not cuddly. They're not cuddly at all." Jesus pauses for a moment, silently formulating his next thought. Finally he takes a deep breath and sighs just as he reaches the far end of the bar.

Without warning, in a single fluid he leap, he vaults atop the the bar and in a commanding voice announces "Take Cleo '2525' Stallworth for example. The so called 'leader' of Wildfire, she knew not of the power of the CUDDLING!" As he says he says this he thrusts the decapitated head of Cleo high into the air, and shaking it punctuates his every remark like a four year old with a maraca. "Well my Best Friends Forever and I had to teach this sniveling hag a thing or two. I admit she was a toughie; her car was a bloodbath before my BFFs put the final gatling round between her eyes."

By now Jesus has worked himself into a fevered pitch "But all the courage in the world won't protect you from the power of our Cuddly Wuddly bullets!"
Screeching: "Isn't that right Jeremiah?!? Isn't that right Cleo?!? The Cuddle Fiesta will find you! The Drive Backwards BFFs will find you! We will purge this land of the wicked and restore SANITY!!!! and CUDDLING!!! for ALL!"

Pointing a finger of accusation across the bar at Michael Blue, leader of The Darkwind, Jesus calmly states "You're next, cuddle buddy."

With that, Jesus plunges a finger into each of Cleo's eyes and with his thumb in her mouth bowls her head down the length of the bar smashing glasses and bottles alike and let's out a final triumphant scream "STRIKE!!!!"

Posted Jul 1, 2008, 5:53 pm
At the big kid's table near the back of the room, Terry Heisler off the BFFs slumps over a bubbling "health drink". His masked head lolls off to one side and he struggles to raise the bloodied, tattered puppet on his right arm.

The effort is too much and the puppet falls back to the table, jarring rattling the teeth being used as poker chips by the more sensate members of the table.

"New friiiieeeeenddddds," the puppet hisses, barely audible over the noise of the tavern's perpetual knife fight.

Posted Jul 3, 2008, 2:32 am
now i know what happened to all those old girlscout cookies we left here....... look at em they have way to much energy.. well guess i should join the barfight.

Posted Jul 3, 2008, 4:35 pm
William Perez, the only remaining ganger of Longo's Merry Men still in Firelight, replies "That B#itch caused alot of people a ton of grief. But she was one hell of a gunner and probably the most notorious pirate gang leader ever to have lived in Evan. My hat off to you and your crew."

Posted Aug 27, 2008, 7:01 pm
nicole jones walks into the bar

'wheres that jesus guy ive got a few heads he might like to bowl with. heres a nice one of wildfires 'hobo' roy blankenship and 'agent' clement mills almost got the intimidator but he crapped his pants and surrendered before i got him oh well maybe next time. and yer all invited to dinner were having smoked wildfire buttmeat.'